I was intending to write a blog post about taking children to cemeteries sometime in the future, but last week, something happened not far from where I live that motivated me to write it today. Two boys, ages six and ten, vandalized the oldest cemetery in Boone County, Indiana. The full story can be viewed at this link.
I don't ever recall hearing about a case in which children as young as these boys vandalized a cemetery. To me, it's difficult to get angry at the boys alone, especially the six year old. Clearly, the adults in these kids' lives have failed to instill any sort of respect that, as adults, most of us inherently have for cemeteries. But I think we can ALL learn from this unfortunate occurrence, and try to do better to keep the kids in our lives from going down this same path.
But how do children learn to be reverent towards cemeteries? How do they learn about what those headstones represent and who is actually buried under those headstones?
Death is not as much a part of young children's lives as it used to be. People are living longer and longer; most children these days don't even experience the death of a grandparent until they are at least teenagers, sometimes even later than that. That means that they may never step foot in a cemetery as a child, unless their parents, grandparents and other relatives TAKE them there to pay respects to earlier generations.
In my opinion, we, as a society, need to be more open and upfront with young children about death and dying. How many people will not bring young children to a wake, funeral service, or cemetery burial because they are trying to 'protect' them from sadness and other negative emotions? Yes, losing a loved one is sad, and you should acknowledge those emotions with your children and grieve with them, but young children really have no inherent fear of death; they learn that fear from adults and popular media. I don't want my children to fear going to a cemetery; I don't want them to think they are bad or scary places.
I don't ever recall hearing about a case in which children as young as these boys vandalized a cemetery. To me, it's difficult to get angry at the boys alone, especially the six year old. Clearly, the adults in these kids' lives have failed to instill any sort of respect that, as adults, most of us inherently have for cemeteries. But I think we can ALL learn from this unfortunate occurrence, and try to do better to keep the kids in our lives from going down this same path.
But how do children learn to be reverent towards cemeteries? How do they learn about what those headstones represent and who is actually buried under those headstones?
Death is not as much a part of young children's lives as it used to be. People are living longer and longer; most children these days don't even experience the death of a grandparent until they are at least teenagers, sometimes even later than that. That means that they may never step foot in a cemetery as a child, unless their parents, grandparents and other relatives TAKE them there to pay respects to earlier generations.
In my opinion, we, as a society, need to be more open and upfront with young children about death and dying. How many people will not bring young children to a wake, funeral service, or cemetery burial because they are trying to 'protect' them from sadness and other negative emotions? Yes, losing a loved one is sad, and you should acknowledge those emotions with your children and grieve with them, but young children really have no inherent fear of death; they learn that fear from adults and popular media. I don't want my children to fear going to a cemetery; I don't want them to think they are bad or scary places.
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So, please take the kids in your lives to cemeteries. Teaching them how to be respectful doesn't mean that you have to be somber the whole time. Make a trip to the cemetery a celebration of a loved one's life. I have a friend who takes her young boys to 'visit' their great-grandmother every year on her birthday, and they have cupcakes together. Last Memorial Day weekend, we took our kids to my grandparents' grave. They saw all of the flags by the graves, so we talked about what that meant. We brought some flowers and my daughter enjoyed putting them by the grave.
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